Erm... I'm so sorry...

Erm.. I tempted to MSN someone whom I've hurt...
Someone whom might be still angry with me...
Someone whom once bring lots of joy & laughter into my life...
Someone whom I think we can talk again like what we used to do in the past...
Someone whom once entered into my life & painted part of the picture...
Someone whom know that I'm talking non-sense, yet still listen to me...
Someone whom accept me as who I am...
Someone whom forgiven me for my silly act in the past...
Someone whom gave me courages & supports...
Someone whom encourages me to be myself...
Someone whom teaches me a lot of things...
Someone...
Someone...

Ichy fingers... Click on the ID so many times...
But I dare not send out anything...
I think both of us are not ready...

Really want to let you know what's going on in my life...
Got lots of things to share with you, my dear friend...
But I know this might not be the right time for me to talk to you...
Unless you're ready...

So, dear friend, just be who you are...
I'm always there to support you with prayers...

O ya... I'm the one who suppose to say sorry... But turned up I'm sound like... ...
Sorry, dear... If I've ever offended you... (Yes, I did...)
When you're ready to talk to me, call me la... Or MSN me...

I'm not the worm in your tummy, I do not know what's in your mind...
So, please please please let me know ya... ;)

Sweety Pie...
=)

Flash back -2006 / + 2007 Things to come

Don't reall have any special highlights for 2006...
Erm... Started with a smile =)
Ended with a different kind of smile =) (Haha... Stupid Claire!)

Kids... =P My little sons & daughters... My little bfs & princess...

Didn't get to carry out my backpack life during my birthday...
O ya... Old people like me, don't really take birthday as a big day anymore...
Cos' I used to forget bout other people's birthday, same goes the other way...
Fair & square...
O ya... Spent my birthday in Ah Sharz's place... Sweet... =)

Erm... Spent more time with Eileen throughout the year... Which is good... =)

Erm... Pei left to KL for study... =(
No one to fight with me anymore... (Erm... Still fighting when she's back here... =P)
Her relationship with papa has improved... Praise God! =)

Get to see my coll's friends this year... More than once... =)
Joey was back to town... =P
Went out together with Ngoh & Boon during Christmas season... =)

Felt super stress... (Forget about that...)

Heard his voice... Erm... Listen & action are 2 different thing...
Erm... Very hard tho... =P
But still need to learn... Really thank Him for His grace... =)

Erm... I really enjoy my time in Vietnam... =)
Eye opener... Experienced something different... =)
Lots of fun... =P

Lots of good things happen which I wish I'm able to stop the time...
To hold on to that moment... But I have to move on... =)

Erm... Blur time? Yup... All the while... Cos' I'm blur... =P

O ya... I can drink back my nice coffee d... =)
No more "effects-after-coffee"...
Isn't that great?

... ...

Life is like a dream...
Sometimes you've dream of something nice, which you don't feel like getting up from your bed...
Sometimes you've a nightmare, which makes you dare not close your eyes or go to bed...
No matter what, give thanks in every situation... Knowing that my Daddy is always by my side... =)

O ya... I've made a lot of new friends during this year...
Erm... Found out that there's a lot of interesting people in this world... =P

Erm... Got a few new members in m "Teddy World" - PinkaJol, 宝贝, ErnErn... ...

Erm... And now the world shall say to me, "Welcome to ME... (A replacement of "my world")"

New working place...
New resolutions...
New environment...
New goals...
New lifestyle?? (Might be... I want to go jogging...)
New hairstyle?? (Still pending...)
New expectation for myself...
... ...
& a new heart for God... =)

It's Your Turn, Claire... You're Farewell Lunch

Having farewell lunch from the kindy staff & church staff today...
Erm... An ordinary lunch, just slightly different from the other staff, cos we're not having it in the palm spring, but in 747 @ YMCA...

Erm.. Don't know what to say... Maybe b'cos I was prepared to go when I first join the organisation.
Remembered my famous words, "This world is not my home..."
I used to tell myself... I cannot be too attatch to any one, cos' I'll be leaving in future...
Used to keep my desk very "pro-office". Dare not put on any personal stuff & deco... (But at last I fail... Cos' it's so not me...)
- I like cute n nice stuff... =P

Leaving... It's not really that scary... Compare with seperation... That's more scary...

I didn't feel anything til we finished our makan...
Air-time... Nobody says anything...
Most of them command on my smile... =)
You're right... =)
Actually, most of the time, i don't know what to say, n I don't know what to do...
The only thing I can do is to =)

Aunty Alfie command on the children that gave me "love letters", hugs n kisses... =)
I really missed that... ='(
I missed the time I spent with the kids... The time when I can lower down my level & ask them "How are you? Why you never smile at me? Where's my hug? Say bye bye to daddy / mummy..."
The time that I ask them, "What happen to you? Why you do this? Are you ok? Can you tell me what's going on? Bla bla bla... ..."
(Lousy counseling teacher... Cheong hei - Canto)

Hold on to my tears, cos I told myself, no matter what, I'm not allow to cry... Tears cannot solve everything...

Lost of flash back...

Thank God. If we're having the lunch in Palm Spring... I don't think I'm able to go back to my office...
I might just break down and cry... =S
Lots of memory...

My eyes were watery during Aunt Alfie's "speech"...
Almost drop m tears when Pr. Jessilyn prayed for me...
I thought I'll cry during my way back to my new office...
But... "Brave Claire, you didn't drop a tear..." That's the command I gave...

Nothing is too big which I can't handle... Nope... I mean which God cannot handle...
So, I praise Him for that... =)

Looking back... I've been keeping up my promises to him, staying in where he'd placed me... Fulfilling our contract - 2 years...
It's amazing... I thought I'll never get it done...

Daddy, thank you for bringing me through all these while...
Please continue to hold m hands and never let me go no matter what I'll face in future... =)

New Chapter

Exciting chapter of life, yet lots of new stuff need to face...
Don't worry, I'll be fine..
I know that you're always there with me, holding my hands through...
Thanks...
Let us face it together...
Though I'm still learning...
In respond to you, I'll give myself to you with trust...
Knowing that it'll be fine.

Love you too...

=)

November 11, 2006

The Supreme Climb

He said, ’Take now your son . . .’ —Genesis 22:2

God’s command is, "Take now," not later. It is incredible how we debate! We know something is right, but we try to find excuses for not doing it immediately. If we are to climb to the height God reveals, it can never be done later— it must be done now. And the sacrifice must be worked through our will before we actually perform it.

"So Abraham rose early in the morning . . . and went to the place of which God had told him" ( Genesis 22:3 ). Oh, the wonderful simplicity of Abraham! When God spoke, he did not "confer with flesh and blood" ( Galatians 1:16 ). Beware when you want to "confer with flesh and blood" or even your own thoughts, insights, or understandings— anything that is not based on your personal relationship with God. These are all things that compete with and hinder obedience to God.

Abraham did not choose what the sacrifice would be. Always guard against self-chosen service for God. Self-sacrifice may be a disease that impairs your service. If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for you, go through it. But never decide the place of your own martyrdom, as if to say, "I will only go to there, but no farther." God chose the test for Abraham, and Abraham neither delayed nor protested, but steadily obeyed. If you are not living in touch with God, it is easy to blame Him or pass judgment on Him. You must go through the trial before you have any right to pronounce a verdict, because by going through the trial you learn to know God better.

God is working in us to reach His highest goals until His purpose and our purpose become one.

November 10, 2006

Fellowship in the Gospel

. . . fellow laborer in the gospel of Christ . . . —1 Thessalonians 3:2


After sanctification, it is difficult to state what your purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, "God has called me for this and for that," you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God’s interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.

I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, "Lord, this causes me such heartache." To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy "world within the world," and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being "frost-bitten."

The Pending Story

Feel so lousy...
Things didn’t turn out my way
Thought that I’ll be enjoying b’cos of the crowd
But I’m not in reality

Feel so unfair...
Things do not seem to be good
It’s not my fault
But why would you want to accuse me?

Feel so down...
You’ve spoilt my day
It’s not that I don’t want to do so
But it’s them who don’t want to follow...

Feel so upset...
It just fades after some time...
Memories had been locked in the deepest part in my heart
Til the day you recall it once again

Feel so depressed...
We’re going to depart to another destination...
Am I prepared to go now?
Or still doubting and say, "No, I want to stay longer..."

Though I do not seem to be in good condition...
But I feel so blessed... This is what I can say...
Cos the sun will always be there, the rainbow will be out after the rain...
It won’t be a rainy day all the time...

This is what I can cling on to
Even though it’s a small part of the faith seed, sowed by you...
Moving on, having this promise you’ve given to me...
You, who had begun the work, will make it complete until the day we meet...
(Weird sentence... Haha... But you know, I know... Understood... )

只想对你说...

复杂的心情
象征我们那剪不断,理还乱的感情
明明一心向着你
却又选择背叛了你

一次又一次的伤害你
在你面前 始终不敢正视你
哭泣是我无助的讯号

愧疚侵入我心
没有你的我,只是一根没有光的蜡烛
立志放下自我
再次回到你的身边

却没有勇气面对
那存在于两个不同世界的我

挣扎 害怕 软弱 逃避 期待
我不晓得

想起我俩当初的承诺
为你而活的目标...

我想为你而活 单单为你而活

暧昧

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进 何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情 还得不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景

到底该不该哭泣
想太多 是我还是你
我很不服气 也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你
写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽
停在这里

One of God’s Great "Don’ts"

Do not fret— it only causes harm —Psalm 37:8Do not fret— it only causes harm —Psalm 37:8

Fretting means getting ourselves "out of joint" mentally or spiritually. It is one thing to say, "Do not fret," but something very different to have such a nature that you find yourself unable to fret. It’s easy to say, "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him" ( Psalm 37:7 ) until our own little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people. Is it possible to "rest in the Lord" then? If this "Do not" doesn’t work there, then it will not work anywhere. This "Do not" must work during our days of difficulty and uncertainty, as well as our peaceful days, or it will never work. And if it will not work in your particular case, it will not work for anyone else. Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstances at all, but on your relationship with God Himself.

Worrying always results in sin. We tend to think that a little anxiety and worry are simply an indication of how wise we really are, yet it is actually a much better indication of just how wicked we are. Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God’s plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God.

Have you been propping up that foolish soul of yours with the idea that your circumstances are too much for God to handle? Set all your opinions and speculations aside and "abide under the shadow of the Almighty" ( Psalm 91:1 ). Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about whatever concerns you. All our fretting and worrying is caused by planning without God.

My Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		10
Acts of Service:		6
Physical Touch:		6
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz